Life Lately...

So lately I've been on an emotional rollercoster, as dramatic as that sounds.
I've been staying at my boyfriend's house for almost a week, I got here last Tuesday and I go home Thursday.
This is really my last big "harrah" of the summer.
Aside from that, I've been dealing with my stupid father.
I was forced to make this account because he incessantly stalked me on a website many people know, tumblr.
Now, I don't mind this website, it's not SO bad, but I liked tumblr because a bunch of people I'm friends with have accounts, and we all followed each other and would reblog funny things, it was nice.
But now I can't even show some of them my blog for fear that this would be linked to my real name... :/
Anyway.
I wanna blog about stuff that's deep, personal, really really deep and personal.
I don't necessarily know if it's safe
I mean really, what's safe anymore?
Journals can easily be read or broken into, blogs can be googled and read, there aren't privacy settings on a blog because the makers of websites like this find that most people WANT people reading their blogs.
I don't.
I want SELECT people reading this.
But whatever.
I'm not putting my name on here.

School starts in 10 days. :/
Not looking forward to being a junior.
At all.
It's not that I'm particularly scared or anything.
The workload will be about the same I had freshman year.
(Sophomore year I was a bit of a slacker.)
Should be fine.
I just don't want to take the PSAT, SAT, ACT, other things, asdfjkl;.
I'm one frustrated bitch right now.
On top of all this, my sleeping schedule is FUCKED.
I almost can't go to sleep before it's 5 in the morning. I usually sleep till about 1-3pm.
I wake up, pee, eat, lay around doing nothing, and then talk to Colin or whatever until it's around 5am again.
Then I sleep, maybe, sometimes I won't even go to sleep till about 6 or 7... :(
I hate this.
I want to sleep.
I want to wake up while it's still considered morning like everyone else.
I didn't want to end up sleeping my summer away but that's exactly what I did.
I slept it all away, and now I only have one summer left as a legal "child", after that I'm an adult, a college kid, heading toward buying a house and having kids and paying taxes and a mortgage.

This is all too much to handle.
I need something to take all this stress away.
It usually would be Colin,
but lately he's just been adding to it.
I mean I'd normally love his clinginess, or the fact that he's so lovey.
But recently it's just been getting on my nerves.
It's like after we, yknow, did certain activities together, it made him want to be closer, but made me only want to be further apart.

I want more friends and more friend time, but it seems I'm losing friends rather than gaining them.
I wish my school was bigger, like my mom's was when she went to school, so I could still be meeting new people.
And I wish that when we get new kids the stupid skinny Abercormbie bitches wouldn't snag them up right away.
I want a chance to make some new friends, meet some new people.
...Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I have, the ones who have stayed with me through the years, but I mean, come on, I've been in this school for 12 years now including Kindergarten. I basically know everyone in my grade inside and out, their names, some of their middle names, a lot of their parents, siblings, some of their pets even. I really don't want to be this close to any of them, because if they were strangers I wouldn't give most of them a second glance.

This year better have something good in store for me.
A change.
A big change.
Maybe I'll do more extra-curriculars?
But doesn't that only make it seem like I actually WANT to be involved in this school?
Maybe I'll go to YDA more?
Maybe I'll hang out with people I never really have hung out with before but have always wanted to?
Maybe I'll actually make an effort to do well, instead of just having my grades handed to me on a silver platter?
I don't know.
So many maybes and what ifs right now.
I just hope 10 days from now, I'm ready.